The Everlasting Arms

One of our little grand daughters always liked  jumping in my arms. She would be standing on stairs, the porch, the couch, or someplace else and all of a sudden here she would come flying through the air knowing that I would always catch her. Most of the time I was unaware of what she was fixing to do. But she always had that trust in me that I would always catch her and wouldn't let her fall and get hurt no matter what. It use to scare me to death. Thankfully, I never once dropped her.
She's bigger now and I'm a little bit older; and I'm afraid if she tried it now both of us would end up on the ground.
I thought about all that trust she put into me catching her and always being there for her. She was fearless because she knew how much I loved her and would try to protect her.

I was thinking of God's arms. Always there to catch us and to protect us. The words to the song, "Leaning On the Everlasting Arms" says it the best:

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

We arrived home on Saturday morning. It had been a long three months away from home. We were filled with a lot of emotions. It was a little overwhelming. But, being at home sure is great. We had missed friends and family so very much.

Jerry had hoped to go to church Sunday morning, but on Saturday he started breaking out in hives all over his hands and knees. They were very itchy and painful. On Monday when we went to the oncologist, he put Jerry on prednisone. They are sure  it is a mild case of the Graft VS Host Disease from the transplant. The prednisone caused his blood sugar to go up and  I had to start giving him insulin shots. But his hands are so much better. Jerry is scheduled to go to the hospital Monday for a blood and platelet transfusion.

We are trying to get back into a routine. Most of all we are trying to enjoy each day. Little things that we use to worry about just don't seem that important right now.  

We know a lot of people are still praying for a miracle. We appreciate the prayers and all the love and support. We know God loves us and is in control of whatever happens in our lives. We know that God's arms are everlasting and there to catch us and protect us.

Dueteronomy 33:27a

The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms:

We love you and please continue praying!

Coming Home

Yesterday, we heard the words that we didn't want to ever hear. They told us that there wasn't anything else they could do.  And anything they try would probably be of no effect.

It was so hard hearing those words. We knew it was a possibility, but you always have to hold on to a little bit of hope.

They told us the best thing for us to do now is to go home and enjoy our family. And we are looking so  forward to being home. It's been a long three months.

We'll be heading back to Greenville Saturday morning. Duke Clinic has already contacted Jerry's oncologist in Greenville and we already have an appointment for Monday.

They told us the cancer was just too aggressive. The transplant had grafted, but the cancer was stronger than Jerry's brother's cells. His brother's cells are losing ground and Jerry's cells are taking back over.

He'll have to go to the oncologist in Greenville once or twice a week and receive transfusions of blood and platelets to keep him going. Eventually they told us that Jerry would be too tired to even do that.

They told us we will need to contact Hospice. They said we will not need them right away, but it's good to go ahead and get acquainted with them.

Our hearts are broken. We know death is a part of life and we are so thankful that we have that blessed hope of knowing we have a home in heaven.

We love you and you'll never know how much every prayer said for us and words of encouragement, and your support and love have meant to us.

Please continue to pray for us and our family to have strength for the days ahead.

II Corinthians 12:9

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee:

for my strength is made perfect in weakness.

Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities,

 that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Cherishing Memories



Our grandson, Ethan, when he was 2 years old,
 leaving behind some handprints on our hearts

 When grandchildren come to see us, they always have a habit of leaving little handprints on the door glass. I love it and I always have a hard time cleaning off those little handprints. I feel like I'm wiping away memories. We enjoy all the times with them and all the laughter and fun that they fill our house with.  Those little handprints touch our hearts along with the memories. We value the memory of  family and friends more than ever and  are so thankful for them.

We want to thank everyone for the kind posts and the words of encouragement. We are mostly thankful for all the prayers. We have a good God who loves us and we know He is in control whatever He chooses for our lives.

Our doctor's assistant has been very encouraging to us. She told us yesterday, that every leukemia case is different and it's always a battle. They should have the final results of the bone marrow biopsy tomorrow. Yesterday Jerry's counts were so low, he had to receive 2 units of blood, 1 unit of platelets, and 2 units of magnesium. It was a long day at the clinic. We were there until 6:30. They felt we needed a day off and so we were able to be off today. It was wonderful having a break.

Please pray also for our doctors that God will give them the wisdom as to the next step. We love you and again thank you for all of the prayers and encouragement.

Not Waving the Flag of Surrender Yet

On April 9, 1865, General Robert E. Lee surrendered to General Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Court House. He rode to meet Grant with one of his men carrying the white flag of surrender. It had been a long four years of fighting. His soldiers were hungry and tired and wanted to go home. They had decided there was nothing else they could do but surrender.

We're still fighting the fight. We are not ready to wave the white flag of surrender even though we are tired and weary from the battle.

The doctor's assistant came to see us today. She told us there is always something they can do to help Jerry. She promised that they would be completely honest with us. They wouldn't hold anything back and would let us know if what they try is worth the effort. Also they will let us know when there is nothing more to be done.

Right now they are going to cut back on the prograf  and antiviral medicines.  They are hoping to stimulate the growth of the donor's cells.

She encouraged us to keep on fighting and praying.

We love you!  Pray for us to have strength, both physical and emotional, for the battle ahead.

Beautiful blooming tree outside of our apartment in Durham

This is probably one of the hardest blogs I've written.

As you know from reading our earlier blogs, the doctors have been concerned because Jerry's blood counts kept dropping and he wasn't getting his strength and appetite back.

They decided to go ahead and do an early bone marrow biopsy to see what the problem was. We were trying to be hopeful.

This morning the doctor's assistant came in and said she had bad news. Our hearts sunk. I don't know of anyone that likes to hear those words "I have bad news." The preliminary report of the biopsy showed the leukemia had returned at 10-12%. When Jerry had went in for the transplant the leukemia had been knocked down to 4%. Doctor Chao, Jerry's oncologist came in to see Jerry today also. He said it was not good news, but he hasn't given up yet.

They are going to try a couple of things to see if they can get the donor's cells stronger to fight more of the leukemia that's in Jerry's blood.

The hard part was telling our family the news. Hope has slipped through our fingers again. It's hard to hold on to. We're thankful we have that blessed Hope. 

Titus 2:13

Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing

of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ;


Please continue praying. We love you! 

A Good Impression

Have you ever wanted to impress someone. Before Jerry and I were married, he wanted me to meet his Grandma Layman. I wasn't too excited. I was so afraid she might not like me.  Jerry loved his Grandma Layman and she was a very important person in his life.

So one Saturday morning we went out and ate and did a little bit of shopping. Then we had it planned to go by for me to meet his Grandma.  Being the shy and easily intimidated person I am, I was dreading it. Jerry kept saying, "Relax. It will be okay. You'll like my Grandma."

Well we finally got to her apartment and we were sitting there talking and I started feeling sick at my stomach. It kept getting worse and so I whispered to Jerry and asked him where the bathroom was. It was upstairs and so  I made my way over to the stairs. But as you can guess it, I didn't make it. I threw up all over her wooden floors. (For you who have delicate stomachs, I'm not sure how to say it except it was a mess).

I couldn't believe it. I wanted to disappear. I had wanted to make such a  good first impression, but instead I had experienced one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. It was not my finest hour.

I'm so thankful that when I came to Jesus I didn't have to worry about impressing Him.  He didn't care how smart I was or how beautiful. I didn't have to do and say all the right things. I didn't have to worry if I was good enough or if  He would love me. He already loved me. He accepted me for who I was.  I'm so thankful for my salvation and for a God who loves me unconditionally.

By the way, Jerry's grandma, was very kind and gracious. She made me feel at ease and said it was okay and not to worry about it.  After Jerry and I were married she became an important part of my life also; and she loved me and accepted me into the family. She became my Grandma Layman and I loved her very much.

When I was baptized after I got saved, she came to my baptism. She said she wished she would have gotten baptized with me. She told me she had never been baptized because she thought she might want to go dancing sometime.  She was 75 years old at the time.
She's in heaven now, but she was a big influence in many lives. She was 99 years old when she passed away in 1998.

Jerry and his Grandma Layman
1997

Please continue praying that they will be able to find out why Jerry's counts are dropping and that we'll get a good result from the bone marrow biopsy. We love you.

March Madness has begun. 

 GO BIG BLUE!!!!!!!!

Extra Prayers

Jeremiah 33:3

Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things,

which thou knowest not.

It's been over nine months since Jerry was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. It seems like we've been in a whirlwind.

Treatments and transfusions, doctor visits, hospital stays,  and finally the stem cell transplant. The transplant has been a little bit rougher than we had anticipated.

A couple of weeks ago, Jerry's blood counts started dropping. We could tell the doctor was concerned. They did several tests to see if some of the medicine they were giving him was causing it, but could not find any indication that the medicine was the cause. Last week, they had to give him two transfusions of platelets and today another one. Also he has had to have transfusions of red blood and his white blood count has dropped to 2.0 and will not go up.

The doctor decided they needed to go ahead and do a bone marrow biopsy. They always do one at day 90 after the transplant, but decided they needed to find out what the problem is.

We won't know the results for probably a week. In the meantime, we are very apprehensive. They told us not to worry. Hopefully it's just a virus or infection in his bone marrow causing the drop in Jerry's blood count.

It's going to be a tough week waiting to hear the results.

The title of our blog is from the song "He's Already in Your Tomorrow."

This is the chorus of the song -  

 He's already in your tomorrow
He's walking one step ahead
Whether it's joy or it's sorrow
He'll do just what He said
He'll never leave you lonely
In the land of the great unknown
He's already in your tomorrow
Don't be afraid, KEEP PRESSING ON.

We're going to keep pressing on. We have to believe the words to this song, that He's already knows what is ahead for us and He'll never leave us lonely. He's a good God who loves us.

But please be in extra prayer for us. We appreciate it so much.

Turning Out The Light On Worry

I Peter 5:7

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

When our boys were young, one of my favorite time of the day was bedtime. Not because they would be going to bed and the house would be quieter, but because I got to have a special prayer time with each one of them. Once they were in bed, I went and tucked them in and spent some alone time with each  one of them. They told me about their day, problems they might be having, and anything else that was worrying them. I know to a grown up, a child's worries seem so trivial; but to them, it's huge. They had tests at school, concerns about friendships, maybe they were having trouble with another kid bothering them.

We would play the Light Bulb Game. I would pretend I had a big light bulb. As they told me their prayer requests and worries, we pretended to put them in the light bulb. The light bulb would get brighter and brighter as we filled it with all of their  problems and worries. Then we would bow our heads and pray. I would then pretend to turn out the light bulb and all of the worries and problems would be gone. They were able to rest then and sleep  knowing that they had turned out the light to all their problems. They had given them to Jesus.

I was thinking if I could have that faith of a child. I pray, but I keep on worrying. I know that God is good and He says to cast all of our care on Him because he careth for us. But even after I turn out my light bulb, it's still flickering a little.

Please be praying for us to have an encouraging week.

Prayer Requests:
   Jerry's blood counts will come up. 
   His platelets and red blood count will stay up.
   His stomach will start to heal.
   His appetite will return.
  That we'll have good results from all of the tests.  

We love you and appreciate all the prayers and love.

Still in Our Tomorrow

Ever so often, I need to remind myself that God is in control. That He's already in our tomorrow walking one step ahead.

We've had some very interesting days lately.

We are so thankful. Jerry does not have Graft Versus Host Disease.

 We got part of the pathology reports back. He has gastritis, peptic ulcers, and acid reflux brought on by stress. (That's hard to believe. There's nothing stressful in our life)!!!

Jerry's hemoglobin was also low today. They had to give him a transfusion of red blood today.

They are concerned about his red blood count going down. At first they were going to put him in the hospital, but after the transfusion, his red blood count remained stable. Jerry did not want to go back into the hospital.

Needless to say, we won't have any days off from the clinic for a while. They want to give Jerry pepcid every day through his IV and try to get his stomach better. Also they want to monitor his blood counts closer.

This is really going to be exciting! - I get to start giving Jerry insulin shots every day. He is on oral medicine for his diabetes, but it is not keeping it in control. 

Our nurse is a brave soul.  She let me practice giving shots on her arm. I don't think I would like being a human pin cushion. She said I did good. She told me to think of something bad Jerry did every time I have to give him a shot and it won't be so hard.

We do have a wonderful God. Thank you for praying. 

Never A Dull Moment

We arrived at the Bone Marrow Transplant Clinic at 8:00 this morning. It started out very routinely. They always take Jerry's vital signs and then draw blood to check his blood count each day.

Then we have to wait until they get the counts back. He had to have two transfusions of magnesium which is a normal everyday happening. Also they had to give him a bag of platelets to get his platelets up over 50 for the procedures. They always give him tylenol and benadryl before a platelet or blood transfusion, so he slept most of the day.

Then the shuttle took us over to Duke Clinic for the procedures around 2:00. They were able to do both procedures today which was great. 

They got him ready and I went back out into the waiting room.  About an hour later they called me back to the recovery area.  They had sedated Jerry and they were having a problem getting his  blood pressure to come back up.  They kept trying different things.  They gave him fluids, lowered his head, raised his head,  told me to try to get him excited about something hoping it would raise his blood pressure. I told him Kentucky got beat and wouldn't make it to the Final Four.  It didn't help.  Finally it started coming back up and they decided I could take him home.

Well our car was over at the transplant clinic and it was close to 6:00 when the shuttle quits running.  The nurse said hurry and go downstairs and try to get a shuttle to the other clinic. She said she would have Jerry waiting in the lobby when I got back.

So I ran down the halls of the clinic and got the elevator and hurried to the lobby. Thankfully they were able to get a shuttle. So I went and picked up our car and got back to the other clinic, but Jerry wasn't waiting in the lobby. I sit there about 10 minutes waiting and then I started getting scared. I just knew something had happened and his pressure had went back down. Your mind can imagine all kind of things after a long day.

So I parked the car in a place I'm not suppose to and ran inside the clinic and went back upstairs and here he came being pushed down the hall in a wheel chair.

I got him in the car and burst into tears.  Like I said it was a long day.  From all the good medicine they gave Jerry - HE DOESN'T REMEMBER NONE OF IT!

We know it's a lot that we have been through the last few days, but really we are excited. Hopefully next week they will have all the results of the biopsies back and the blood tests and they'll be able to get Jerry feeling better.

We love you and please continue praying.

The Road to Triumph

Joe Scriven was a missionary to the Iroquois Indians in Canada. He and his fiance were both from Ireland. She had just joined him in Canada so they could be married. The eve before the wedding, she was killed in an ice accident. Joe buried her with his own hands and with a broken heart. A year later, he wrote his mother a letter that included this poem titled "Pray Without Ceasing".

"What a friend we have in Jesus,
 all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged.
Take it to the Lord in prayer."

The poem was later set to music and named "What A Friend We Have In Jesus".

Joe was on the road to triumph, even though there were times when the road was rough.

I believe that we're on the road to triumph. We have setbacks and rough times, but we have a Friend in Jesus who is always there and hears our prayers.

One of the procedures they will be doing on Jerry will be tomorrow, Thursday. They will do the other scope next Thursday. They could not get them scheduled on the same day.  They did 3 different blood tests yesterday to find out why Jerry's blood counts are dropping. We have not heard the results yet. They believe it might be some of his medicine. He had to have a platelet transfusion yesterday and will probably have to have one tomorrow also before the procedure. This is just one of those bumps in our road.

We are so  thankful for prayers.

Our Hope Is Still In The Lord

Psalm 31:24

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

We had an anxious week waiting on the results of the peripheral blood smear.

The last smear showed that one side of the smear was perfect and the other side showed that 32% of the cells were still Jerry's. The smear this time showed that 26%  of the cells still belong to Jerry.  The physician's assistant said it was good news because it is improving, but it's still not where they want it to be. They still want the donor's cells to finish destroying the rest of Jerry's cells. The leukemia can be hiding in that 26% of cells. But the good news is that the smear did not show any leukemia activity. Between day 90 and day 100, they will do a bone marrow biopsy.

They are concerned because Jerry should be feeling stronger than he is and his appetite should be improving and he should be gaining weight. He has been losing weight each week and he is still very shaky and weak most of the time.

They are afraid he might have Graft Versus Host Disease. It is a common complication sometimes after a stem cell transplant. Immune cells (white blood cells) in the donated stem cells (the graft) recognize the recipient (the host) as "foreign". The transplanted immune cells then attack the host's body cells.

They will run a scope down Jerry's  throat and check his stomach and do a biopsy on his stomach and also scope his intestines and do a biopsy.  If it is the GVHD, they will treat it with steroids.  The procedures will be Friday (if they can schedule it) at the hospital. Please be praying.

We know we still have a long way to go and the battle is not over yet. We are so thankful for family and friends and their prayers, love, and support.