It's Fall

Good Morning!

 

It's 45 degrees in Greenville, NC. I love it. I'm a cool weather person - not a summer person. The cool weather makes me feel good. I actually woke up at 6:30 this morning and felt like I had some energy.

 

I don't always write about all the feelings that I have sometimes, because I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I do that enough on my own. There are some mornings the last few weeks that I slept until 9:00. I felt like half my morning was over, since I have always been an early riser. It was just hard to get going some days. Even after I woke up I would just sit there and do nothing. And some days I would sit there and cry all day. A couple of Sundays I didn't even make it to Sunday School.

 

It might be  a little depression. Depression is a word I do not like and I do not like to feel that way. Whenever I felt that way I could always fight my way out of it. This time it's been a little harder. I don't think I am as strong as I thought. I know it will get better.

 

They say "Time heals all wounds." I read a quote one time that said after a while the mind just covers the wound with scar tissue to lessen the pain. But the wound still remains.

 

I know I have a God that loves me and I know that He is my comfort and strength.

 

I LOVE YOU AND HAVE A GREAT DAY!!

Fall in West Virginia
We lived there for about two years. The Fall season was beautiful.

A House Is More

We lived in a lot of different places during our life together. They were just buildings. The things I remember about the houses are all the living and activities that happened within those walls.

 

Sometimes my house seems so quiet and empty. It makes me realize that it is only a place. It has no life. It needs voices, Sunday night parties, grand kids, lots of laughter and love to make it come alive. Sometimes I miss Jerry being here so much.

A House is More

 A house is more than walls,

   More than rooms, windows, or halls.

A house is more than floors,
   And more than wooden doors.
A house is a place where families dwell,
   And where there’s lots of stories to tell.
It’s a place where memories are made,
   Throughout the many decades.
A place where children grow,
   And where friends are welcome to go.
And what makes a house all this,
   Is when love and kindness is in its midst.

- Patricia Rice

 

Wonderful Friends

Last week I had a nice visit with some great friends from the wonderful state of Kentucky, Perry and Judy Newcom. Judy and I stayed up past midnight every day talking. It was a good time. Please pray for Judy. She has chronic leukemia and has had to undergo chemo treatments the past few months. They are good friends who have meant a lot to me and Jerry through the years.

My days seem strange. It's almost like I'm not a whole person. It's hard to realize how much I had relied on Jerry for just little things. He was my encourager. I'm really a very shy person. He gave me courage to do things that I wouldn't have done on my own. And he was always there to help make decisions. I do not like making decisions. That's the hardest thing for me. 

The other morning I thought I don't have to make decisions on my own. I have a God who loves me that I can pray to every day, who hears my prayers, and is in control. 

I love you. Please continue praying for me.

Psalm 121:2
My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.

You Know You're a Redneck If.....

You know you're a Redneck if your billfold is full of business cards to all the local taxidermists, contains 2 concealed weapon carry permits, and a hunting and fishing license.

That is what I found in my husband's billfold when I cleaned it out a few weeks ago. It made me laugh. That's my husband. He loved hunting.

It's almost that time again. I miss him getting ready for deer season to open. He'd be going through all of his equipment and making sure he had everything he needed and going out scouting trying to find the best tree to put his deer stand on. He'd be so excited. And every time we'd go to Walmart he would head to the sporting goods section. I actually found myself walking through the hunting section the other day at Walmart.  It's tradition.

I know I'm going to miss all of his hunting stories this fall. He always told me there was something so special about being in the woods on a cool crisp autumn morning as the sun started to rise. He would be alone with God sitting up there on his tree stand and watching and listening as the woods would come alive. Good Memories.

Psalm 42:1

As the hart panteth after the water brooks,
 so panteth my soul after thee, O God.

 

I Know Whom I Have Believed

I was reading about the different stages or phases of grief. They were talking about what's normal and what's not normal. It said people go through denial, depression, loneliness, etc. It said everyone grieves in their own way.

I'm not sure what phase I am going through right now, because sometimes I feel a little bit of everything. Most of all I miss my husband so much. The mornings seem to be the hardest. Sometimes it's hard to even get myself motivated. I just want to sit there and not move. And when I come home from being someplace, the house seems so empty. Sometimes I feel like a lost little girl and I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do next.  I know it will get better. I'm so blessed to have friends and family that care and a God that is always with me to comfort me through the hard times.

 

I use to be a Civil War enthusiast. During the Civil War with so many casualties, grieving and mourning was a big part of every day life. Could you imagine the number of widows there were.

And if you were in mourning it was customary to dress in black. Even underwear and accessories had to be black. And if you could not afford to buy black clothing then you would have to dye your whole wardrobe. Crape was used to cover your outer wear and bonnets. If crape got wet, the black color would run and ruin everything it came into contact with.

If I had to dress like that tonight it would not have been good. It was pouring down rain before and after church. I would have been a scary sight with black running everywhere. No one would have wanted to come near me.

 

And there were so many superstitions about death. If you were in mourning and went out in public, you had to cover your face with a veil. It was to protect you so that no one could see your tears and also to protect other people.  They said the spirit of the deceased hovered around their loved ones and if you looked directly on the face of the mourner that spirit might attach itself to you. When someone died, all the mirrors were draped in crape, so that the next person to look in the mirror wouldn't be the next person to die. Clocks in the house of the deceased were stopped so that they might not choose someone to accompany them to the grave, and they took the body from the house feet first in the belief that if the face of the deceased faced backward they might influence another member of the family to follow them in death. They also took mourning photos to preserve the image of the deceased.

 

I'm so glad I don't have to live in a world of superstition and fear. Years ago I accepted Jesus as my Savior and I know without a doubt that I'm saved and have a home in Heaven.

 

My life verse is II Timothy 1:12

For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.

 

"I KNOW WHOM I HAVE BELIEVED."

 

I appreciate your love and prayers.

 

 

Today's Adventure

I did it! I did it! I had to get vehicle titles transferred over to my name, so I went to the courthouse in downtown Greenville all by myself. For me that is quite an adventure. We have lived here in Greenville for a little over four years and that is the first time I have been to the downtown area. I even saw the local library building.

Each day I try to work on a little bit of business that has to be taken care of. There are things that Jerry always took care of or we took care of them together, so it's been a little different. I appreciate so much the help that our son, Neal, has been.

It's the beginning of  a new chapter to my life. It will contain pages full of new adventures and experiences I have not had to deal with before. Some of the pages will be filled with lonely times, some with fear, and some with victories.

I know that the times I feel lonely and afraid, God is always with me. He'll give me the strength I need.

Joshua 1:9 

 Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid,

neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

He's Still In My Tomorrow

It's hard to believe that it has been two weeks since my husband went to sleep in my arms and woke in the arms of Jesus.

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind with the funeral and the memorial service.

But yesterday I think the reality of it all started sinking in. I was back home in an empty home where memories of Jerry still linger. I can almost imagine him at times sitting in his recliner looking over at me, telling me he loves me.

Sometimes I sit here and ask God, "What do I do now?" People think I'm a strong person, but right now I'll admit my heart becomes fearful at times.

But, I have no complaints. God blessed us this past year more than I can imagine. We saw the love and kindness of family and friends and we saw the wonderful grace of our Lord and Savior.

I tell myself each night that God is still in my tomorrow, leading the way; and that each day He will give me the grace and strength I need for that day.

Lamentations 3:22-23

 It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. 

They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.